Silence

 When I wrote The Silent Years,  my bachelors thesis about ecofeminism in Swedish printed press, I found that for many years the subject was silenced and interpreted that as an attempt to silence feminist and environmentalist issues in the public debate. A common well known tactic used by oppressors for many centuries, now known as cancel-culture. It's a bit paradoxical or perhaps ironical that I have also been subjected to the cancel-culture and that all I really want now is silence, from others, or my mother in particular. I am trying to work and study while staying with her and her old cat, but it's almost impossible as she is a compulsive speaker.  People who speak compulsively all the time and hardly ever are quiet do so because of mental conditions as ADHD ( jumps from one topic to another, interrupt others), narcissism (feel entitled, take pleasure in disturbing and provoking others) , schizophrenia (disorganized speech), bipolar disorder (manic speech), or to block out painful thoughts and feelings. It can also be from brain damage. There is nothing I can do about this than to occasionally ask her to be quiet, which can help for a few minutes, or seconds, but seems to trigger more excessive speech later on. I bought earplugs, the cheap  yellow ones that don't work. Now I am looking at solid ear protection headphones, but the good ones, that probably work, are expensive and big in size. I'm not very good at shutting sounds out mentally myself in general, especially not my mothers voice, so I really need silence to be able to focus. Don't get me wrong, I do like a good conversation, dialogue and banter every now and then, but not when I'm reading or writing or working. Except when the work is to communicate, but only with the people involved in the work. As an example I can mention a presentation I had via Zoom the other day with the university, where suddenly my mother lumbers into the room with heavy steps to collect the cat, even though she knew I had an important meeting, because the cat needed its medicine at that particular minute. I can't for example go to the library and study either because I need to be available on phone for my clients. I think it's time for me to go home now, but the cat hasn't many months left and if I leave it will probably be the last time I see him and it will break both our hearts. Other than compulsively talking, my mother is quite well now and would manage on her own.  I am looking for a job and a house up here, but the job must come first or a lottery win. Note: If you can relate to being a compulsive speaker, seek help, other people are suffering. 😅

Wishing you the best.

Peace & Love

Angelina